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If you are reading this, then I more than likely hate you. I don't really hate you, I just like picturing the expression on your face when I tell you that though. I am a very kindhearted, sensitive person....but I have a dark side. A corrupt aura that leaks out into the far reaches of this website like a fungus spreading across a 2 month old loaf of bread left in the basement next to the furnace. The part of your brain that gives you those initial, impulsive thoughts and ideas for every situation you encounter throughout the day, works overtime in my mind. Sometimes there is such a fine line between reality and fantasy that I find myself struggling to maintain a balance. Trip that old lady. Don't let those people out of the elevator, hold them hostage. I could choke the sales clerk with this hanger and take his pants. Am I the only one that has these thoughts? I doubt it. The human mind is very unique and astounding. I will try not to digress though.
My name is Chris, or Lascivious if you prefer. I will be sharing with you my thoughts, feelings, ideas, hidden hatreds, and desires. Not necessarily in that order (or all of them in this article), but you get the point. I have a knack for losing focus within my writings. I drift away at times. Those of you who have read some of my more "interesting" posts on the boards will already know this. My train of thought has no schedule. Sometimes it isn't even a train...more like a fancy peacock, strutting around in his underwear playing a flute. Ok. I enjoy speculating. Most of the time my speculations are loosely based on scientific fact (as we know it now), but are mainly an interpretive look at nature, society, science, and the cosmos. I get hung up on semantics. I over explain things using multiple words and phrases. I abhor misunderstanding. The only true form of communication that would lack misunderstandings, deceitfulness, and misinformation would be pure thought. Uninhibited, unbound, unmasked thought. That probably won't happen any time soon, within this article at least, so I will use words as my forum. Words are my best tool of communication. Written words to be exact. I find it easier to convey my thoughts and feelings through written words than I do to speak aloud. I feel like I am two different people when I hear my words spoken and read my words on paper (or computer screen... )
Darkness is chaos. Pure, absolute darkness. You know why? Because in pure, absolute, lightless darkness, your mind wanders. A chaotic swirling kaleidoscope of images and colors. When you lack vision, your brain starts to interpret things. You hear a sound, your brain immediately supplies some type of realistic or phantasmical image to relate to it. I sometimes wish I knew the feeling of being without sight since birth. I would not want to be blind permanently, but I would love to know what it would be like to have never experienced sight, or images. I hear that most blind people think of "themselves" as being in their heart or chest region (or maybe that is deaf mutes). That is where they feel their focus, their essence. Those of us with sight, almost undoubtedly feel that our consciousness exists in our heads, more exactly, behind our eyes. We depend on our eyes too much to interpret the world around for us. I have tried time and time again to relax and move my consciousness to other parts of my body to no avail. It is frustrating being trapped inside my head. I feel that there are forces around us that transcend the physical, three dimensional realm. We are trapped in it like unaware cattle.
My carbonated beverage bottled by the Coca~Cola company is flat and ill-tasting. I actually obtained this particular caffeinated drink from a fountain type dispenser. Does the Coca~Cola company still consider this to be bottled? Or does the syrup and CO2 containers simply have the writing, "Made in China"? Do they put the same marketing effort into their commercial products? The people that buy their products faithfully in bulk are not exposed to the flashy, colorful labels and catchy phrases that the majority of us face. It is downright unfair! Where is the loyalty to those commercial vendors? Do they not deserve to be dazzled and wooed? I plan on writing a letter to the esteemed Coca~Cola Bottling Company and tell them a thing or two about a thing or two. Ah. Most likely I will do nothing and just bitch some more about it. Then I will get sidetracked and start bitching about something completely unrelated.
Good day gentlemen and ladies! Someone in my office just sneezed but they were out of the "Bless You" radius that I have created to dictate whether or not someone gets a response. I figure a good 20 feet or so in an indoor environment is the limit. Outdoors have other rules. The radius shrinks due to a desire for anonymity among strangers. Only someone standing directly in my field of vision or within a few feet of me "may" get a "Bless You" outdoors. Unless they are with a group of people, then it is up to one of them to acknowledge the fact that their heart stopped for a fraction of a second.
The strangling mutilation of the faerie prince came as unexpected and shocking news. His demise was planned further down the road, somewhere in the month of Attrimune, well after the Festival of Reason.
The glaring moonlight that young evening was more than a match for the prince's stealthy movements. The changeling lout that surprised the prince in his moment of weakness, took on the form of a sturdy woodshed. The sturdy woodshed appeared warm and inviting, the changeling lout had spared no expense of emotion. The prince, having a weakness for sturdy woodsheds, had taken shelter inside and fallen fast asleep.
The faerie patriarch's velvet slumber drifted closely towards astral projection, making the changeling lout's attack even more so gruesome and unaware. The multiple joints of the ever moving whirlwind of wood and steel disjointed heavily and with great precision. As luck would leave it, the changeling lout was able to fully transform back into its stagnant state of the Barrel of Lamb. The eerie chill still hangs in the air to this day, of the royal ear piercing thralls of sound. Not two Novan minutes passed before his majesty's son was usurped, blunted and prodded with death in mind. The jitterbugs of Naelstrom steer clear of the moonlight from ever on.
The changeling lout did indeed attend the long awaited Festival of Reason, in order to come to terms with his victorious subterfuge. The counsel at Heinuth declared this a misforgiving and saw no point in troubling the elders with such a travesty of logic. The intertwined legalities of such over-ruled their pleas. The elders convened at once, making the extermination of the prince the top priority of the festival. The changeling lout stated it's case and birthright, for the record of course, as the elders prepared their ink and quills.
The enormous facts surrounding the day in question proved much more of a reason to dwell on logic, than the planned discussion of Limebro berries and their lack of opportune seasonal growth in the south lands. For twenty days and some thirteen nights did the counsel and elders and changeling lout pawn over the eventful murder. Only after reviewing incriminating evidence of the prince and his fraternizing lover Count Pintucket, was it deemed plausible and deniable that there could be such forgiveness and reprieve. The changeling lout bowed slowly, assumed the form of a humped Heatian runt, and scurried away never to be seen again.
It is still unclear to this day why it seemed important for the changeling lout to clear his conscience at the Festival of Reason in front of all the land's lieges. Perhaps in some dark crevice of his molten heart, there exists a form of sorrow where decay does not ease his attuned suffering. The changeling lout is a curious creature, of not much wonder or presumption. Let this be a lesson to all who take comfort in sturdy woodsheds, where peril may lay waiting in their dreams.
Securely ground yourself to a sturdy metal object before beginning repairs on any electronic device with a circuit board (of type 0-ff4, or where static electricity could cause damage). A velcro wrist strap with metal connector and clip will suffice. Model 4CC-A3 Connectix brand is recommended.
Begin by acquiring a number 4 Philips Screw driver, the clock-wise version, and locate the case sealing screws.
Position yourself in the Quatto-Pre stance and begin removing the screws. Place the screws in a used coffee filter as to not misplace them. The coffee remnants with demagnetize any of the screws thus preventing hard disk deletion
Once the screws have been removed, gently slide the metal sheath back towards you and release the sapling latches. The cover should then unfold for easy ground storage. Place the cover inside up on a lint-free, vacuumed carpet. Warning - Do Not Scuff Feet on carpet or pet curious cats.
Look inside the exposed innards and begin wiping down the wires inside with an alcohol swab (preferably 80 proof). This will remove dust mites and other microscopic animals. Once the wires have a gleam to them, take an air canister and begin fumigating the interior torso.
Once all of the dust and particles have been evacuated, use an erasure from a pencil and shine all exposed metal prongs on the circuit board. Take care not to rub to violently or else the conductor will fuse and Windows 95 may not function properly. Manually cycle the hard drive cylinder 4 times counter-clockwise with a flattened paperclip. This will ensure proper RPM voltage under high speed internet chases.
If you discover a virus within the interior of the computer, do not panic as they sense fear and will turn hostile. Most likely the virus will be fast asleep due to the influx of the salt air from removing the cover. Hastily grab hold of a cardboard paper towel roll and trap one end over the virus. This will immediately awaken it and cause it to flee upward through the roll. It will escape at the other end into the open room and deem the computer no longer habitable.
Once the computer is sufficiently rid up, clasp the outside corners of the exposed cover and lift up parallel to the floor. Swivel the cover in a loose, snapping motion until it is upright. Swiftly slide the sheath back over the frame and clasp down the sapling latches. If a squeal resonates from within, repeat the last step in reverse motion (last paragraph).
Retrieve the screws from the used coffee filter and gently blow off any loose coffee grains. Be weary as the screws will often multiply when out of sight. If more screws are found than originally placed into the grains, inspect the bottom edge. Doppelganger screws will not bear the copper ring marking on the lower tip. Discard these screws in a garbage disposal.
Once you have gathered all of the true screws, insert them in a random order crisscrossing the perimeter. This will create the proper seal and confine newborn viruses to the outer zones of the case. Once the case is sealed properly, reconnect any wires that were loosed.
Power on the PC and close your eyes during the RAM sequence. This gives the impression that you are satisfied with the computer's ability to count RAM, it will then release hidden sectors of the hard drive containing valuable credit card information.
If you have any questions, please consult your user's manual, disregard odd numbered pages, these are just for Chinese customers.
Titles are overrated. Who needs a title anyway. Titles lead to misconception. People should just start reading something and form their own title. Sure, if you want to try and trick someone into reading something, slap a fancy smancy title on it to lure them in. This could lead to disappointment however. Why take that chance?
I prefer to just to let well enough alone. If the story sucks, then there is no disappointment (other than lost time). At least there was no build up of excitement. There was no false pretense. You weren't reading through something with it in the back of your mind trying to fit the title to the story.
Sometimes movies think they are all clever and such by subtly throwing in the title of the movie somewhere once in the dialogue. As if I'm going to get goosebumps or something from it. Bah!
Movies should just come out at the theater, no marketing, no advertisement, no trailers. You should just drive by one day and see "New Movie" up on the marquee. Then go buy the ticket, sit down and wonder what it is all about. Sales might even increase, because by trial and error, you would have to sit through all the movies just to get to one you enjoyed.
There should also be fake-movies too. Like, buy your ticket, sit down, and nothing ever happens. Then 15 minutes or so after the start time has passed, something comes up on the screen and says "Surprise sucker...try again!"
That would be great. It would keep people on their toes. Inspire critical thinking. Maybe society would even grow more intelligent. We'd be more weary in general. People's perception levels would increase. Sure we'd be all jumpy and flighty, but muggings would decrease. People would walk around looking wide-eyed and shifty, suspicious of everyone and everything.
Even animals would pick up on this. They sense fear you know. We'd have to battle squirrels and wild turkeys on our way to the store. They'd sense our apprehension and confusion and attack.
What a wonderful world this could be. All stemming from removing titles from books, movies, articles, etc. Take them away. And no cover art either. Plain gray covers, nothing else. In fact, TV should be nothing but a gray screen. No sound, nothing. We could then use our imaginations. TV is too easily distracting as it is. Someone could sneak up and stab you with a shoe horn or something because of some catchy Tide commercial.
Speaking of products, we should remove all labels from store bought goods as well. Is it cereal or dishwasher detergent? Who knows, buy a couple just in case.
I'm telling you, life would be so much better without all the unnecessary noise and distractions. People would be on their toes. Probably punch each other at random over jumpiness and such. Let's all do our part to make this dream come true!